To Have Loved and Lost
by Blue-Eyed-Devil0689
Summary: Kendall finally realizes what love really is...just in time to lose it. Kendall/OC noslash. Rating could go up in later chapters.


**Hello all! As I've said before, I own nothing to do with Big Time Rush...If I did, Kendall would be mine already! LOL! **

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_"Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."~ Alfred Lord Tennyson_

Kendall's hand shook as he slowly and warily opened the door. Every part of his body screamed at him to turn around and run from the pain of what he knew was going to happen in a few short hours, but he knew had to be there. He would never be able to forgive himself if he wasn't. It was obvious he was terrified and he certainly wasn't prepared having to deal with the aftermath of things, but he pushed his way in anyway.

Savanna's family was gathered around her bed and as the door opened, they all turned to look at him. Everyone single one of them looked shocked to see him standing there and he honestly couldn't blame them. Her mother, though, gave him a warm and tearful smile as though she'd known all along what his choice would be.

Savanna saw him, taking a deep breath and tears welled up in her own ice blue eyes. "Could we…be alone for a while?" she asked her family and with a few reluctant nods, they all filed out.

As soon as they were alone, Kendall felt himself break down. He collapsed to his knees beside her bed, sobbing uncontrollably. "I'm so sorry…so sorry! I left you when you needed me the most and there is just no excuse for that! I can't believe I…" he lamented, choking on the last word and unable to continue. He clutched her hand close to him, kissing it tenderly.

Savanna's gentle hand softy strokes his hair from his face. "Kendall…it's all right. You were scared…I understand that completely," she told him, her voice shaky with tears. She gently tilted his head to meet her gaze. "But you came back. That's all that matters. I've missed you so much…."

He finally got a hold of himself, trying hard not to cry anymore as he was certain that Savanna had seen enough tears that day. He moved to sit on the bed next to her, pulling her small body into his arms and burying his face in her choppy dark hair. He was grateful she'd been allowed to come home for the last few days…he'd missed the way she smelled. He hated the way it was always covered by the sharp scent of the sterile hospital. "I've missed you too…I couldn't be apart from you anymore. I'm here now. I won't leave you, I swear," he murmured.

Savanna gave a sad smile a few tears slid down her face. "That's all I need to know," she whispered. She let her head rest on his chest, her slender arms wrapping around him best they could. She was getting weaker and weaker and they both knew they only had a matter of a few hours left.

As the day finally came to a close, her family began to come back in one or two at a time. They said their goodbyes, tears and grief evident as they all left to head back to their rooms, knowing she would be gone by this time tomorrow.

She sighed softly when everyone else had gone to bed. The two of them sat there on her bed and she could feel her body starting to fade. She looked up at him, tears in her eyes and she couldn't seem to control them any longer. "I love you, Kendall…" she murmured. "Kiss me? One last time?"

Kendall felt his eyes burn as well, brushing a strand of her dark hair from her face as he pressed his lips to her own. The kiss was sweet and tender, love and passion evident in the way their lips moved together. "I love you too, Savanna. I always will," he whispered against her lips. She curled up closer to him, her head on his chest as she closed her eyes, eventually falling asleep.

Kendall couldn't sleep at all and thus it was only an hour later that he felt her rhythmic breathing slow and eventually it stopped altogether. Savanna passed away there in his arms and waves of grief suddenly washed over him as the realization that she was gone suddenly confirmed itself in his mind. All he could do was cradle her body close and cry for the love he'd lost.

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**Okay. Let me know what you think. If I get ten reviews I will go ahead and continue with the story, detailing how they met and how their relationship went about. Hoping you guys like it! ^_^ Thanks muchley! -Blue-Eyed-Devil0689**


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